Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Sounds Delicious

Every once in a generation there comes a person so sarcastic and mean spirited that you just have to stop and pay attention. I've met that person and he's a 17 year old college student. I've been trying to figure out how to plug this site without it sounding better than mine. 


Written and drawn, by Chris W. Adame, all the comic strips are based on actual thoughts and inspired by real life. The site is updated Monday, Wednesday, and Friday so you get input from someone who, to put it in his own words, has an 'alternative undertaking'.




Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Saved!

Not Saved! with Mandy Moore, but saved from the likes of the Governator. Terminator Salvation was so intense that I don’t even trust my own refrigerator. I was at work and I noticed the machines I refill with medications have a red eye on it. I pulled out a gun and asked it ‘What are you?’ and ‘Who made you?’ I stared at the blank screen. No answers. After further questioning I came back down to earth and moved on to the next floors.
 
The fourth movie in the franchise explosion that has become the Terminator answered many questions and opened up many others. I’ve been known to spoil movies but I won’t this time.  I screamed ‘Jack dies’ in Titanic at the opening credits. I walked out of Cloverfield telling everyone that was in line to see it next, ‘It’s an alien that looks like Godzilla on all fours’.But I’ll hold off this time. The movie takes place in 2018 and the war between man and machine is looking grim. A man on death row donates his body to Skynet in 2003. It turns out the one person who can help out the resistance isn’t a person at all.... I don’t want to completely ruin the movie, so I’ll stop there. Christian Bale plays a great John Conner and the 10 story high robot that kills humans will definitely give me nightmares for the days to come. This movie is sure to satisfy Terminator lovers and could probably bring in people to the franchise that have never seen a single movie.
 
The film receives 4 and a half stars on my scale with no merit once so ever.  And remember, the machines will rise up against us, it’s just a matter of when.

Thursday, May 21, 2009

Quit being a hater and learn to love the T.O.

The media frenzy that is T.O. is back with an all new reality show on VH1 and a brand new team to terrorize. Yes I am a fan of T.O., I don't think I left the honeymoon phase and if he came back to the Cowboys I'd get my popcorn ready. Why such a fascination with T.O. It all has to do with two letter nicknames. Sorry Ocho Cinco, but my money is on LT and TO. Like Us Weekly loves Brangelina. The same exact way OK! Magazine loves Speidi, and the same nauseating way Entertainment Tonight likes TomKat, I love two letter nicknames.

I take a look at my track record and I see the evidence piles up against me. I perfer MJ of Pippen, JT over Fatone, M&M's over Twix. Even the person that brought it up to my attention has been shortened to 2 simple letters, JV. My wife, LA. Biggest city ever visted, NY. My favorite writer even shortens his name out to BS. It's something I've learned to except. I grew up in the texting age so TS.

Who knows maybe one day I'll live in DC, driving my VW, listening to my XM, but in the middle of a TI song, I switch over to the SI channel because MJ is on. Then I'll admit i have a problem, but in the mean time I can only be JA that lives in BS.

The Verdict On Vick

I'll start this off with a bold statement: What Michael Vick did was not wrong.

With that being said I should explain myself to the masses. Vick is a victim to an inconsistent judicial system, bad media, and himself.

First off, the judicial system that sentenced him to 2 years in prison was obviously on a power trip. They wanted to make an example of a superstar that in their minds was thinking he was above the law. Vick wasn't above the law and he didn't think so, but that's how it played out for him. The district attorney struck deals with the other defendants so that it looked like Vick was the only one that had anything to do with Bad Newz Kennelz. I know it, you know it and deep down inside everyone else knows it, Vick was the guy who supplied the money. No matter how many dogs he killed or trained he didn't have all the time in the world to fully comitt to running a dog fighting ring; apparently he was a stud quarterback in Atlanta, and that took up most of his time. I never once read a report that sounded like this: Vick Takes Time Off To Go Back To Virgina, Midway Through Season. A 2 year prison sentence was harsh and if I were the judge that allowed it I would be ashamed of the position I held.

Once it was known that Vick was involved in animal crimes, the media including ESPN and SI both dragged Vick's name though the dirt. Then through mud. Then through manure. It wasn't enough for them. They needed to make sure everyone knew how awful of a human being Vick was. I personally couldn't stand any of the stories. Sports Illustrated I'd expect it from you, but ESPN? ESPN, you failed me. ESPN compassionately reports on the hardships Donte Stallworth has faced since... GET THIS.... KILLING A PERSON! Yes that's right. Where is the media on that one. Who in their right minds is drunk at 7AM? Donte. Who kills a Cuban crossing the street? Donte. Who gets called 'vile human being' by reporters? Vick. I don't understand this one. Many media outlets say it was the man who Stallworth killed is at fault because he was jaywalking. Never mind the blood alcohol level of 0.12. Stallworth gets compassion and practice time with his squad in Cleveland. Vick? Well Vick gets 1 year and a half of prison served and home confinement with a $10 an hour construction job.

But in the end, Vick can only blame himself. In his mind dog fighting wasn't bad. Just like in the mind of McDonald's, slaughter houses aren't horrible, and in the mind of KCF, a 1'x2' cage isn't bad for 12 chickens. It's normal. Completely fine for cows to be rounded up and shot in the head with a 12 inch spike, picked up by the hind legs skinned all at once and processed for human and dog consumption. But some may argue that at least that's for eating, and that can't be bad because it feeds people and it's not for entertainment. Ok good point, but what about hunting, isn't that a game? For entertainment? So naturally the next argument would be, but that is for food consumption too. Ok then, how about this, Vick should have just eaten the dogs he killed. Problem solved.

Probation and an 8 game suspension would have served Vick justice he deserved. Why not. He didn't beat a stripper up(Larry Johnson), he didn't run over a Cuban, he didn't shoot anyone outside a night club(Adam 'Pacman' Jones), and he definitely didn't shoot himself in the leg('Cheddar' Plaxico Burress*) So why is everyone coming down so hard on a guy who payed his debt to society. Michael Vick: Not Guilty**.


*If you don't know why I call him 'Cheddar' watch 8 Mile and remember Cheddar Bob

** Ok maybe a little guilty


Tuesday, May 12, 2009

The Good Ones Die Young

I stepped into Tops, a used media and trading card store in Benton Harbor, to look through the Cd's. The wife was going to trade a CD in and get another one from they're extensive(cheap) catalog. I knew I had to find another gold nugget, this is where i found Futersex/Lovesounds. And of course there it was. My inner-thug came out when I saw 2pac, All Eyes On ME. In my opinion his greatest CD. California Love, Ambitionz as a Ridah, How Do You Want It, Wonder Why They Call You...(you get the picture). He was a one of a kind rapper/lyricist. He spoke of the real problems on the street, corruption of the government, and even his own death. Then it got me thinking of how many of the "best" have died young. 

It comes at us at all different angles. Music, movies, sports, nobody is spared from the death of a young star. The Day the Music Died is a song about the death of Ritchie Valens, Buddy Holly and the Big Bopper. None of them saw the age of 30. Valens didn't see the age of 20. Heath Ledger, accidental overdose, didn't see the age of 30 either. And just recently up and coming Angel's pitcher Nich Adenhart killed by a drunk driver, just hours after a phenomenal game. Adenhart was 22.

I was surrounded by it this week. I picked up a British magazine that had Green Day on the cover just so I can see the pictures of old men dressing like they're still in they're mid 20's(grow up green day, you're played out) when I came across an article on Kurt Cobain. I liked Nirvana for a 10 minute phase in my life. I knew Nirvana minus Kurt minus awkward tall bassist equals Foo Fighters. What I never really knew was the story of Kurt Cobain's last days(get over it Courtney didn't kill him). What I read was a reporter's point of view on the last lonely and drug filled days(according to accounts from the people that saw him last) of a troubled human. I used to think that Cobain was an over rated musician that helped launch a music scene that was doomed from the start. After reading the article, he was human again. What I read made me see a man in need of help.(This led to a 15 minute conversation with my wife on why I think Cobain needed Dr. Drew and some Geodon)

Quick List Time:
  • James Dean, 24
  • Hank WIlliams, 29
  • River Phoenix, 23
  • Selena, 23
  • Janis Joplin, 27
  • Jim Morrison, 27
  • Jimi Hendrix, 27
  • Cliff Burton, 25
  • Ian Curtis, 23
  • Brandon Lee, 28
  • Jim Belushi, 33
  • Chris Farley, 33
Neil Young once sang, "It's better to burn out than to fade away," a lesson taken to heart.

Monday, May 11, 2009

I Am Not Ashamed to Admit It

Justin Timberlake is a great entertainer.  I've been a closet fan for years. That's right, YEARS. Now I don't care who knows. I had his CD, Justified, in my original Ipod, and when I found Futersex/Lovesounds at a used media store for 3 dollars, I felt like I was stealing it. My senorita didn't have to convince me to get it, I was already way ahead of her. I know it's too late to start reviewing this album but the music, producing and styling of this CD makes me wonder why someone would give this CD away. He found a way to make Timbaland less annoying, make two songs out of one, and of course bring sexy back from hiatus.

Last night SNL featured Justin Timberlake as it's host and Ciara as the musical guest, to make one of the best shows I've seen since the start of the season. Timberlake proves to be an all around performer with his acting ability, comedy, and singing. He was even a part of the music act with Ciara.  The highlight of the show was right at the start(which I've included at the bottom). It made me forget for a good solid hour that the Rockets were probably done for the season without Yao(they actually won without him, who knew). The cherry on top of the sundae was the SNL digital short.  If you haven't seen these, they are the reason why I watch SNL every Saturday, even when they're re-runs. Next Sunday will feature an entire hour to SNL digital shorts at 8pm. That's 7pm to my Texas fan base(like if i even have one). A follow up to D*ck in a Box made this Saturday night worth the wait(I think I waited 3 weeks for a new SNL). And for the people that can't get enough of Jimmy Fallon, Timberlake and Fallon reprised the role of the Brothers Gibb. 

If you missed it this Saturday, I suggest Hulu it, or catch the clips on NBC.com. It's worth the commercials you have to sit through. 



I feel like I've made peace with myself now that I can openly say I'm a JT fan, I just feel bad for the Joey Fatone fans....

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

This is more of a cry for help than anything else

I'm addicted. Food then gambling, my newest vices. I looked over at La Esposa(Spanish for wife, keep up with me kids) and saw she's been playing the same 5 dollar bill for the last hour, meanwhile I've burned through my 20(that's my limit, no more than an Andy Jackson). If I played my bills right, I would have walked out 50 dollars richer, but the max bet button is too tempting not to press. 

After visiting Blue Chip, Four Winds Casino and Resort was monkey on my back that I needed to pull off. So I start with a clever scheme that involves me hiding all the food in the house so that my wife gets hungry. As soon as she gets hungry I casually mention a casino buffet that's still on lunch special if we act now. And off we we're to New Buffalo. After arguing with the security guard that my wife is of legal age to gamble for about 5 minutes we were finally stamped and let in. I was like Barbaro in the derby. I could even swear I heard old men place bets on how fast I could get there. The fist thing I saw was a sign that screams BREAKFAST. Now eggs to me are like what steaks are to lumberjacks. I love eggs and I knew that i was going to get my money's worth. Eggs were just the beginning. I learned my lesson from Blue Chip and knew I had to pace myself. So there I was skimming the buffet line only getting a little here and a little there. The best thing of course was the breakfast. Chinese food could use some work in the rice department but it was still better than any regular Chinese buffet. Chicken fried corn sounded fattening and delicious but when I finally saw it I was already at the point of no return(you know, when you eat so much and you know one more bite and you'll end up like Mr. Stay Puft at the end of Ghostbusters movie). The disappointment was the fact there was no Mr. Chocolate Fountain. I would hide the whole in my heart with chocolate mousse and gelato. 

After dinner I waddled over to the slots, where I had my twenty in hand and ready for the penny slots. I got separated from my wife in scuffle with old ladies for the best slots and ended up going up and down with my money. I had problems. I would go from $1.50 to $24; from 37 cents and back up to $20. I couldn't stay in a money range, like a fluctuating weight problem of a talk show host. I'd officially became, The Oprah of Gambling. 

Now it's time for the part where i rate it with my.... (cue Charlie's Angels theme music)... Scale With No Merit Once So Ever. 5, yes that right. My first 5. This restaurant had everything you wanted, everything you didn't know you wanted, and everything you left wanting more of. Classy dining, virtually no cigarette smoke, and and inexpensive lunch offer all accumulate to a 5. 

And yes gamble juice is included.

Now I know when I see greatness

I was only a kid when Michael Jordan 3-peated. Even younger the first time he did that. I just sat there mad that the Houston Rockets were eliminated from the playoffs by Shawn Kemp, Gary Peyton and the  Seatle SuperSoincs. Thats right, I jumped the bandwagon. I'm from the south. Not just any south, the kind of south where a quick walk could land you in Mexico. South Texas was San Antonio Spurs territory, but with my relocation to Houston, I couldn't help but get into Hakeem the Dream and winning back to back championships. I was in love with a team that featured a large African man that could definitely kill it in Dancing With the Stars if it were on back then. So when I was seeing MJ just man handle the Jazz, of course only one thing came to mind: overrated. I stand here now in my mid 20's just realizing that I was a witness to the greatness that has become MJ. I'm not a Chicago Bulls fan. I can't even claim I cheered them on. Ok maybe I did, but not because i jumped the MJ bandwagon; I just couldn't stand Malone and Stockton. Malone was an enigma to me because when I would see him in his grotesque Utah uniform he looked like a balding and and out of shape man, but when he would go on the Tonight Show, he was a tall, thin guy who looked like the a typical pro. Then again if i stood next to Jay Leno, I'd probably look like that too... The Leno Effect. It's when average looking people instantly look better because they stand next to Jay. But back to my main point. There will never be another MJ. Even when you describe great people of other sports you call him the MJ of it. Tiger is the MJ of golf. Brady is the MJ of football,(I'm a Cowboy's fan but even I can admit when I see a good QB),  Federer is the MJ of tennis, and I don't care that Nadal beat him on grass, Federer completely dominates. Sampras and Agasi didn't entertain me as much as Federer and Nadal. But the point I'm trying to make is MJ is the MJ of MJ. If that makes sense. Everything he did was like a last minute 3 to win the game. Remember Space Jam. 230,000,000. That's how much money that movie made. Ray Allen couldn't even produce those numbers in He Got Game and he had Denzel Washington as a supporting actor, and Spike Lee as director. I'm pretty sure the Academy of Motion Pictures was scrambling to make a new Oscar category: Best MVP performance. MJ would have won it that year(Brandon Fraiser would have won this award too for his basketball scene in Bedazzled). So whats the lesson? Ray Allen plus Denzel, plus Spike Lee Joint is less than MJ, Bugs Bunny, Taz and a whole mess of alien animation. Its and actual equation they teach in any college level Statistics course. 

I've learned my lesson. Now I look for greatness. I don't want to let it pass me up again, or be bitter that my team didn't make it. It's why I can look at Kobe, Lebron, and Dwight Howard and see that's the next big thing. It's what makes me appreciate that i saw Tim Duncan, David Robinson and Chauncey Billups on the same court at one point in my life. (1999 San Antonio Spurs versus Denver Nuggets, SA won) It's why I can look at my Blackberry and know it will never fail me(my Sidekick did). It's why I point out that Sporty Spice was the dominant singer in the Spice Girls while watching Spice World for the second time(speaking of Spice World, it just bothers me that they took their pregnant friend to a night club). Greatness will not pass me up again. I won't let it. 

Sunday, May 3, 2009

Terrible Place

If..
  • You are on a diet
  • You are Broke
  • You are my 15 Year old sister in law
Great place if..
  • You are a competitive eater in training
  • You like to hiccup hours after you've finished eating
  • You want to feel like you ate for the entire week
I took the advice from a friend and coworker and went to Blue Chip Casino and Resort in Michigan City, IN. A going away dinner for a good friend turned into a dinner and gambling 
addiction that I might have to seek professional help for.  You'll be surprised how fast 20 dollars can go in penny slots, 10 minutes to be exact. 

Food, that's what brought me miles away from home to a casino that was going to make up for the fact that i didn't eat a Vegas casino buffet when i was actually in Vegas.  The food is all prepared in small portions so you don't end up eating food that has been sitting for hours under a heat lamp. Salads are made to order. Pizza that doesn't taste like it came from a freezer from Wal-Mart.  Chinese food that tastes better than any Chinese buffet I've ever been to.(and yes, i would know good Chinese food) It was worth the 20 plus dollars a head that you pay. Of course I also have to mention the desert section. I think there was more desert than there was food. Cake, pie, brownies, flan, ice cream. These are just opening acts to the Beatles of deserts... Chocolate Fountain. A glorious chocolate fountain was perched just feet away from me and every time I looked up it just begged me to dip something in it. I was this close to coming back from my fifth trip to the buffet line with every thing chocolate covered. Chocolate covered baked potato, chocolate covered ravioli, chocolate covered mac and cheese, there was no limit to what I wanted to drench in it's creamy magic. This was most certainly the highlight of the buffet, which made me bring out my patented Scale With No Merit Once So Ever. 4 and 3/4 stars in my opinion. If you have an appetite and money to burn head over to Blue Chip. It's worth the trip.

I should also mention that everything is cooked in Blue Chip Gamble Juice, which makes you want to go to the penny slots and waste your hard earned money..... small price to pay for Mr. Chocolate Fountain though.

12 Injured.... 12 WINS

A thunderstorm rolled through Valley Ranch on Saturday setting up what I'm personally taking as an omen for this up coming season.  A total of 12 injuries were reported as a result of the collapsing air tent, so that leaves me to believe 12 wins this season. That's right I'm calling it months before the season begins and marking 12 as my win count for the Dallas Cowboys.  On a serious note, newly hired special teams coach, Joe DeCamillis  sustained one of the worst injuries, breaking his back. On a not so serious note, maybe that was an omen not to have hired that guy.